Snarfle the Garflack, love.

It’s an inside joke. And, yes, I know it’s ‘narfle the Garthok’; whatever, it’s my joke, shut up.

Hopefully I’m able to explain it properly here. It’s the phrase I use to encourage D. Usually toward something that he’s not sure he’s ready to do or isn’t sure he has the ability to do; but keeps saying he wants. And at the risk of sounding sexist; he’s a guy, it usually involves emotions. Garflack is what ever ‘big scary thing’ thing is going on… and usually isn’t such a big scary thing in the end.

It’s come up a bit lately. He’s exploring his poly, more than he has before and it’s raising new feelings, issues, and worries. It’s interesting to be supporting him through it. I’m glad I am and I love seeing him grow and become. You know what I mean?

I’m sort of discovering that I’m really protective of him too. Not to the point of weirdness, but that I’m pretty fucking blunt when I see others in his life pulling shit.  He, of course, gets to make his own choices about what he is doing and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Through out the course of his exploration, we’ve discovered so many new things about us. Individually. As a couple. Our power exchange/Ds.

We’ve discovered we have very minimal rules for each other, though they are important ones. Practice safe sex. Don’t do anything that will harm us. Act, speak and live with honesty, integrity and honor.  That one’s a doozy, but so important. Keep each other informed. And finding where those rules expand or contract depending on the situation.

And there are moments where I have to say it to myself. Facing my attachment to an ex and how it was affecting my emotions still… so difficult. Snarfle the Garflack. Finding out what it really is I am afraid of in opening myself up to ‘new’ people. Snarfle! The unexpected ones, like discovering that I mostly have acquaintances in the community, where I thought I had friends. That was a hard one.

I always try to make sure I’m using it well and saying it from a place of encouragement and love. He is my Sir and my love as well as my partner and I have to make sure I’m respecting all the aspects of our relationship when offering a push.  But I know he appreciates my support, my encouragement and my love.

We have an event coming up in June that we are both looking forward to… we’re on staff this year and with all these new discoveries about each other and ‘us’, we’re looking forward to exploring our boundaries in such an open, loving, energy rich place.  Hopefully our experiences this year will be as good as last, or better!

Hopefully, I’ll be hurting some boys. I am going to snarfle the fuck out of THAT Garflack, as soon as I can.

Of course, sometimes, ‘Snarfle the Garflack’ is code for: ‘Here, take these condoms and go fuck her already. Sheesh.’

I’m serious AND silly.                                      Ooh, now I want to hear ‘Tainted Love’….

D & D(om)

D and I met over a year ago at a community event. I can’t say it was love at first sight. I can say his energy and presence were notable. He seemed like someone I’d like and want to get to know. I was not, at that time, looking for any relationships outside of friendship/mentor.. I was just foraying into the kink/BDsm community, though I’d been what I call bedroom-kinky for years. Slowly over the next few months, I talked to him more and more and did come to consider him a good friend, someone who gave good and well thought out advice. *smiles* Someone who could listen to me vent frustrations and somehow heard what I meant, under my words. Someone who wasn’t afraid to tell me when I was in the wrong or being a bitch. Someone with a strong and sometimes prickly sense of pride and personal responsibility.

In the beginning of the summer we talked briefly and almost jokingly about dating but at that time his responsibilities to the two relationships he was already a part of prevented us from following through. And through that summer, we still saw each other at community events and talked easily but, we drew apart a little. We talked less outside of the community. And I wondered privately what had happened. But, he was still my friend and I was happy to have him in my life.

Fall’s big event. I had teased him a few weeks before about his not having seen my boots. I made sure to hunt him down at the event. And I made a decision. I didn’t know what had happened or where he was about us or what he would say. But I was not going to keep waiting. I wanted more. For him, me and us together. And so, I took a step. I stepped into his personal space, played the boots, and I asked for a scene. Something simple. The stairwell. Orgasm. It took him a few minutes… but then he got it. He heard, not my words…he heard what I meant.

A month of talking, sorting, decisions and changes later and we were dating. Exploring what we were and where we were going. Slowly, he became my rock. A place to stand in strength, revel in freedom, and play in joy. He held me through tears and laughed with me through delight and danced with me through rage and pain. We started talking about D/s and what that meant to each of us. Were we sure we wanted to do this? It’s not a casual step for either of us, but one we needed to make in full awareness. We discussed expectations and wants and needs and desires. And we decided that yes; we would, could, and wanted to do this. I wanted to not only be his girlfriend but to be submissive to him. And he accepted.

Slowly, carefully we are finding our way and path and joy together.

Hello world!(the default beginning)

Well, Hi there. I bet you’re wondering who I am and what I’m about and such things. First off, you should be able to figure out from the horrid grammar, punctuation, and casual greeting… that I’m just gonna type what I’m thinking and feeling. Rather than trying to make this all formal and pretty. I abuse ellipses, just to let you know.  … Yesss, that’s nice. In general this will cover anything amusing to me that happens in my day to day. If you don’t get the humor… meh. To give you a heads up my day to day does include some kink/BDSM related activities but it’s not going to be the *focus* of the blog. Or I’m not intending it to be… maybe it will. The horror!! (Yes, that is indeed, sarcasm… good job spotting it. Have a cookie.)

Now, I’m off to play with widgets and pictures and things until the blog looks pretties. To me anyway. Be good. Stop standing on your sister’s head. Damn kids.