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C is for Casual

So, as those of you who know me may have noted, I don’t tend to play with random people. I at least like to have known you and conversed in person for a bit so that I get a feel for who you are. I really truly prefer long lasting partners, even for play. Past experience with random hook ups/play dates that started out as “let’s be regular play partners” compounded with a run of bad luck in secondary partners has left me feeling pretty used.

I tend to only open up to D or a couple of friends about it. So.. no random play partners is my rule for myself. My emotional and mental health is more important than my kink/sexual side being indulged then smacked back down. Right?

Plus, I think that my personal “definition” of play partners, secondaries, and lovers doesn’t match up with the… let’s say ‘commonly accepted’…definition of those labels. (But that’s a different blog post)

So, 99.8% of the time I stick to that rule. Twice in three years I’ve made an exception.

I’m writing today to share a story about one of the rare exceptions. Non-pertinent-to-the-story details and names are modified to protect the guilty.😛 *cue dramatic music*

This past weekend I was working a kink event (most of you know which one). One of the gentlemen I needed to interact with (we’ll call him C), after mildly flirting/making eyes at me pretty much the entire first day, asked me to play the second night. I’ll admit I made him wait to have a longer conversation and get through negotiations before I would say yes or no. (I have a couple of medical issues that have to be brought up before any play) He bore up well under the strain of uncertainty; we reached an agreement, and headed off to play.😉

And the squirrels in my brain started *FREAKING* out.  You’re gonna regret this tomorrow! But he’s sexy and can hold a conversation and has toys I want to try. Yeah, but he’s leaving tomorrow and so are you…for separate STATES. Well, yeah… but I knew that! I just want a nice fun scene with no strings. And did you see his eyes/hair/tattoo/goatee? Sure, sure, he’s hitting a lot of sex buttons and you know these things are fun, buut the next day…*singsong* little bunny Fufu hopping through the forest…  Seriously?! Did my brain squirrel just squirrel? That’s the line! Everyone shut the FUCK UP. We’re doing this.

At this point, C and I had picked a spot and I’m stripping while he sets up.

“Do you want the boots on or off?”

“Keep them on, they’re sexy. Kneel up here, can you lean forward? Good.”

Oh, God. Here we go.

Flogging my ass. Ooh, I like. C checks in, I’m still good.

Fingernails up and down my back. Yesss.

Paddling. So hot but I don’t want to cry yet. Harder. I raise up.

C checks in: “Do you want me to continue?” Words are HARD. I nod yes. “Good girl.”

More paddling, other toys… is that something pointy? YAY!

C checks in… fuck, he’s getting into it now, look at him. All breathing hard and vibrating energy. Damn.

Biting. My ass. My shoulders. My neck. Holy Fuck, yes. Wait, did I say that out loud?

Fingering my pussy. Two fingers. More. Wait, is he fisting me? Oh. My.. Yes!

Orgasm.

C: “Do you want me to keep going?”

Me: “Are you enjoying?”

C: “I love it.”

Fisting deeper.  Orgasm.  Again. “That’s it. Cum again for me.”

Deeper again. I moan and cry and cum until it hurts.

He stops as soon as I ask. Damn, that’s hot too. He tells me to push out his hand.

Kisses and hair pulling and nibbles until I’m steady enough to turn to my back.

Electric..on my thighs, nipples, clit. Sliding the bulb into my pussy. Then me as the electrode and metal rods, floggers, etc.

Then, knives. Oh, fuck. I’m going to cum again.

I shriek and twitch and cum. I have to yellow to not fall off the freaking bench.

Paddling to the thighs. Fingering to orgasm. Paddling the nipples. That fucking hurts. Yay!

We wind down. Both of us admit sex would be awesome, but not happening. Cuddling against the wall. Talking.

Fingering til I cum. More talking and nibbling and making out. And talking. The next time I look up, I realize we’ve sat and talked through the scene after us.

That’s fucking sexy. Dammit.

C walks me back to my room and kisses me goodbye for the evening. And a gentleman.

The rest of the night I keep getting asked why I’m grinning so much.

The next day we both are rushing around packing up but make time to check in. C makes me promise to get in touch again on Fet. We go our separate ways.

And I’m good. Have a bit of drop, but that’s expected after a big event. No extra repercussions from playing casually. The squirrels are behaving. Quiet.

I think it’s time to start sharing myself a little bit more often. Again.

(or Secondary relationships, brought to you by the letter P and the number 2)

My sweetie pointed me toward K&P tonight to look at a post about love being what you do vs what you feel. And it was certainly interesting, but I noticed and read several about ‘secondary’ partners that sort of triggered a need to post.

There seems to be this mental association to the label of secondary, that somehow calling somone secondary or being called a secondary partner means that you’re “lesser” or “disposable” or treating your partner as lesser or what have you. And that may well be the case in some relationships. Which is complete crap of course. Sure, one of the actual definitions of the word secondary is: of second rank, importance, or value.  But, did anyone other than me learn in kindergarten that words can have multiple meanings?

How about this definition: not first in order of occurrence or development.  What exactly is wrong with being the second person I am in love with or develop a relationship with? What exactly is wrong with calling that relationship ‘secondary’ or ‘my secondary relationship’ or ‘my secondary partner’? D is my primary partner, yeah that means he was here before you. That doesn’t mean that a secondary partner will get a smaller piece of the love loaf. (Have a habit of making similes about love not being like a loaf of bread, though I guess that makes them reverse similes? Whatevs, I just wanted to say love loaf. Oh, I said it again! Nee.)

Or this: of, relating to, or being the second order or stage in a series. Hmm. Sounds like poly to me! Let’s pretend! I have a series of relationships… longest running: primary, next longest running: secondary, etc, so on and so forth. Having a longer history or a deeper life entanglement (think bills, kids, family squabbles) with a primary partner doesn’t mean a secondary partner is lesser! Matter of fact, most of the time it means a secondary partner gets more relaxation, more calm, more good things; because they are less(uh-oh, there’s that four letter word again!) likely to have the same life responsibilities that a primary partner will have.

Alternate synonyms for ‘secondary’ if you just can’t wrap your head around the whole ‘secondaries aren’t lesser’ thing: accessory, alternate, auxiliary, backup, extra, relief, reserve, subsidiary, supporting, tributary, consequential… Hell, call it anything except late to dinner provided you’re treated well and happy in it.

Seriously, who gives a flying fuck on a flat faced flugle horse about the label, honestly?! Stop spending so much time hung up on “oh, gosh that label sounds like secondaries are lesser or being treated as lesser”. Focus on what being a second partner is to you and the people you are with! If they are treating you as lesser and disposable, then you have an issue. If not, you don’t need to make the label the issue. Enjoy having another person in your life to love and be loved by!

(Imaginary cookies to everyone who gets the movie references sprinkled through out. Again, I’m a dork. :))

Yes, yes, that’s a HIMYM joke. I am a dork.😛

Argh! Where to start even? Let’s see… With this post I’ll have officially matched the number of times I posted last year! Yay? It’s an improvement, yes? Yes.

New job has been acquired. Secretary at a church..I keep getting laughter when I tell folks that..I can’t imagine why. Well, ok, I can but seriously people, I do have a spiritual/religious side, I’m just quiet about it. Oh, also, it is already more fulfilling than the last one! So, yay! again!

Pushing boundaries and enriching myself… well, i’m heading back to school FULL TIME! in a couple of weeks and have what looks like a two associates and two certificates scheduled out (provided I can manage the class loads and pass everything)! Now, I know I get super planny when it comes to work/school so that may get scaled down in time, without disappointment(I hope) on my part. I will be letting go of a duty to a local kink group as well…while I enjoyed working with them and have no complaints at all about the group in particular, the happiness I had felt with it in the beginning waned recently and I felt it was time to move on before resentment kicked in. I wish them the best and hope that if they need my help in the transition they ask and that works out smoothly as well.

If my allergies weren’t SO FUCKING BAD right now, I’d be working in the yard instead of talking to y’all so ‘improvements’ on the outside of the house are at a halt for the time being. We’re all(D, me, the kids) starting to pick up social things we’d like to do more regularly or at least deciding which ones we’d like to do that work with our schedules.

Kink. Has kind of been on hold or really sporadic lately.. I need to sort out with D & O some ways to work on that without me coming across as a demanding bitch. We’ll work it out, I’m sure.

So with all the changes and upheaval my depression’s been odd off and on and I just have to keep reminding myself that these changes have been GOOD and improvements over where we were a year ago for the most part. It’s not always easy, but the boys have been fantastic about helping with reminders and putting up with my occasional cranky/weepy days. D especially. I loves you hun!

Oh, and major props (salute!) to O on his ability to get the evil out. wink, wink, nudge, nudge

Random radio ramblings…

Woot, only three weeks between posts this time! And I’m prefacing this one with: this is strictly *fantasy* and I’m not planning on killing anyone. Contemplate that, folks.😉

So, I listen to this morning show on the way to work each day, mostly because I’m a lazy bum about getting podcasts downloaded to the phone, and they’re funnyish. And this morning they were talking discussing a news article where a woman tried to kill her husband by poisoning her ‘undercarriage’.  I like ‘undercarriage’ because that may have been the *only* amusing line from the Dukes of Hazzard movie, which was all in all a perversion and tragedy rolled up in suckage; but I digress.

So, anyway, woman tries to poison husband through cunnilingus! Amusing and disturbing. Also, pretty damn stupid.

The radio hosts asked for callers to ‘for fun’ call in and describe how they would poison their spouses. A few were funny, but then the station static-ed out and I trailed off into my own ‘how I would poison’ fantasy land. *grins*

So, D, just in case you were wondering; yes, I have contemplated your death and how I would do it… poison would not be my first choice. But, if I were going that route, it would be the coffee.

You had to know that, right? It’d be easy and I’d be able to say that I had ‘just been in too much of a hurry’ to get my own before I left in the morning. And you’d know it was me… because let’s be honest, I’m not the ‘stab in the back’ kinda gal. I don’t do revenge or gossip or rumors and I’m more likely to tell you to your face that I think you’re a douche than anything else. Plus there’s that side of me that wants you to know it was me.

I don’t want you to think you’re having a heart attack or some stomach issue or what have you just before you die… I want you to be thinking about how I; your adoring, loving, slightly whacked out sweetie fucking killed you.

But hey, this is all just fantasy and weirdness that is my mind. *smiles*  OR IS IT?!

2013 is going to be a banner year! Because I say so, that’s why. *grins* I’m going to be listing somethings here for reference and accountability(to myself). Let’s start with my resolutions…

1. Blog more! I only posted 3 times last year! That makes me super sad… I’d love to say post weekly, but I’m going to aim for twice a month, with more being better. Plus, I’d like to get more views, followers and countries tuning in.. It’s currently at 2 followers(something between facebook and wordpress lost me 13 followers?), 930 individual views, and 41 countries! The US, the UK, and Brazil are the front runners.

2. Get a new job. One I like. One that’s fulfilling. I am so so tired of being mindnumb and out of work at work!

3. Push boundaries and enrich myself. With D, in our D/s, kink and family. With O(you’ll meet him later!) I want to be unafraid of exploring fully. With P, M, H, T… renewing friendship or expanding on the same. Go to more classes, participate in the groups I’m already a member of, find new/old joy in crafting, art, love! I’m so hopeful right now.

4. Find ways to make the new house our home! We’re finally out of the small town and closer to friends. I want to be sure that the kids, D and I explore all the ‘new’ things that we are able to do and experience now!

5. Enjoy my life. There’s been so much stress, change(good and bad), and upheaval in the last year… I want to be more mindful of what I have, who I am, who I love, and giving all of my relationships with friends, family, loves… the best I have in me.

Boy, that was sappy and joyful… I’m going to have to hand in my ‘I’m a Tough Bitch’ card.

Joy & Change

I’m combining these for the moment… So many good changes for me this past fall. We moved out of the small town to the city. We both have exciting, new(well, newer for me, D’s have been longer) and(crosses fingers) what look like very very solid new relationships with… dare I say it, long term potential! EEEEE! Yes, that was a girlish squeal! Mark. The. Calendars.

So, I suppose it’s time to introduce O to the narrative? I don’t know, sometimes I like to imagine the suffering you all go thru when I don’t update you (yeah, right!). Well, let’s see… It’s been just under two years since I’ve dated anyone. D has me and newer (less than a year?) relationships with P and M. Love both the girls, they are great fun and confidantes of mine in their own ways, as well as loves for D.

M is married to L, they have both been my friends for years, the kids all get along well and L has often escorted me to events when D was unavailable, though we don’t scene or date each other. 

P is married to O. He’s intrigued me in a quiet way for a bit now. Like, ‘Hmm. Who’s this? Oh, yeah, that guy. The one with that weirdly intriguing energy, big smile and wild look in ‘is eye. I should try to get to know him.” Then something would happen, or I’d remember how crappily my last relationship went, and I wouldn’t.

Then D started seeing P… and slowly we all started spending time together off and on. And…”Yeah, he’s damn fucking intriguing. Awesome conversation about blood and death and how alike we think on these things over here. Damn we’re weird… awesome.” And things would happen, like moving and getting the kids adjusted to the new house/school/schedule.

And that finally all slowed down, and I lost patience with myself and pushed for dating.. with minor bumps, now we are… and he’s surprising. This relationship is surprising. I am feeling NRE, but it’s without the level of ‘frantic’ I usually feel. I’m fighting with myself to not just open up the majority of my shields to him and enjoy. And I’m wondering why I’m fighting it. And there’s a deep and quiet joy within me. Plus, he likes hanging out as a group or with the kids(combined) and that’s important! I’m trying to not get ahead of myself, but I’m so very hopeful and pleased. And once I ask how he feels about my discussing our sexual escapades here, I may get to share… If not, let me just say damn. Seriously.

Change. Everyday I am so thankful and happy and immersed in my relationship with D. If I was in the sappy mood, hey it happens from time to time, there might be mention of soulmates and girly shit like that.😉 He is so very, very good for me and I hope I am as good or better for him. If I was in a proud mood, I wouldn’t even question it. I am.

But our relationship is changing, deepening, we’re into our third year together and creating our home and family to a deeper extent than before… and our D/s and kink and reevaluating where we want to take them. Plus changes in his work, hopefully mine soon as well and maybe, looking at some edumacation opportunities at the end of this year? I don’t know, and definitely want that at some point… but let’s stick to creating our home, deepening our family, our love, and expanding all of those things as well. And exploring the new!