So, I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. There have been changes in my relationship with D that I will post more on at a later time. For this post, it is time to mourn. My relationship with R has come to a close. Which in no way covers how I feel or how I think I feel or anything else. Grace is what I am hoping for. Grace is defined in multiple ways:

1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety.
4. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.
5. Mercy; clemency.
6. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.
7. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.

I hope for the grace to move forward with an effortless beauty in friendship and not allow any bitterness I feel to color my future interactions with him. I hope for the grace to show character and refinement in not allowing my anger to ruin that friendship’s form. I hope for the grace to know when and if it is proper and fit to discuss how things fell apart so that I may learn from the mistakes I made. I hope for the grace to be generous with the love I still feel for him, help him as I may and the goodwill to wish him well on his new path. I hope for the grace to be merciful enough to be kind and forgiving of the mistakes he made. I hope for the grace to be indulgent; to give him the patient attention he may need from me even now, when it’s not my duty anymore. And, dear gods, I hope for grace for myself as well; a reprieve from the twists and turns of my heart that is hurting and a chance to breathe.

Advertisements