Archive for August, 2011


Get a room!

I hear this a lot. Specifically when I’m interacting with D. Suprisingly, mostly from fellow kinksters. Usually, we’re just kissing. No groping or even ‘making out’.  Just a passionate kiss. Maybe even a ‘dip’ during the kiss.

I enjoy receiving affection from D in public. Not our love on ‘display’, but it’s a positive interaction… Why wait for privacy to express our feelings?

I’ve also been the person who’s felt ‘left out’ or like a ‘third wheel’ when a partner and his OSO interact intimately in front of me. It depends on the setting and the interaction and is usually when I feel I’m not getting my needs met with that partner. Or it’s invading my physical space, like throwing your leg over his lap and kicking me in the process… or certain things in a vanilla space, especially if they are things I asked for recently. I’ve felt extraneous and forgotten. This comes into play more so when I’m being ignored and not receiving my partner’s focus during time that is mine.

I find myself approving of passion and yet, that comes with ‘qualifiers’… very confusing at times. Some people are really shy and some bold and some are in the throes of NRE. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, being close; are all things I enjoy that help me feel close to my partner. My line for inappropriate falls around nudity/gropings/volume/energy more than anything else.. If you’re putting your hands down her pants or shirt, or if I’m seeing stuff that’s usually covered by a bathing suit or you’re moaning loudly enough to attract my attention… it’s too much.  If  you’re laying all over your partner to the point that your feet are in my lap, too much. Now I don’t have anything against making out but if you’re physically or energetically invading my space… too much.  Though that particular limit stands whether it’s a kink or vanilla space… personal boundaries.  But yeah, hand holding, being close, kissing in public, I think it’s fine.

Then there are the folk who’ve said it’s about arousal. sighs I don’t know what to say here. Do I want to see raging hard ons or damp panties everywhere? Well, no, in vanilla space;  not really. But I also know that just having an intense conversation can arouse me… so.. again, no nudity and we’re good.

On the other hand, in kink space… grins I’m a huge fan of nudity, hard men and damp ladies. Voyeuristic much? A not too much, a much too much.

HOW I HANDLE PDA WITH WHICH I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE… ALSO SUGGESTED FOR YOUR OWN USE.

Most people define for themselves what they think is OK pda. In the end, my sensitivities are my own, provided the pda isn’t physically or energetically in my space. Cause that’s non-consensual.. On the other hand; If you can’t agree or accept that people will engage in pda sometimes and that you’re going to witness pda sometimes, then I think your social options are likely to be incredibly limited.

So, what do I do when I see pda that I feel uncomfortable about? I either wait quietly until they are done or I experiment with repeating and/or holding this position, occasionally alternating with getting up and leaving the room……. SO EASY A CARTOON CAN DO IT.

 

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About love…

For me, part of loving a person is love as a noun. Loving all of them; for their potential, personality, their flaws and quirks. Loving them whether they fail or succeed. My love doesn’t come with strings, my love is just about how much someone matters to me. About how much I hope for their joy. There is no expectation of love in return. I can love people even when they have become horrible people, even when I wouldn’t choose to spend time around them. They can change as they need to change, because my love is about adapting, about seeing what people are at any given moment.

Circumstances may force our separation, but we may in time find a way to be together again and a few past relationships have been welcomed back into my life that way. Our relationships now may function differently than the past but, when the circumstances were that one of us needed to go make some mistakes or learn something elsewhere, or just pull our lives together for a stable base, my love is still there.

And for me, part of loving someone is love as a verb. Love as something we ‘do’ for one another that is necessary to sustain an active relationship. Making time together, being present in the relationship, respecting boundaries, communicating and compromising… are all things I try to ‘do’ to express my love whether that’s love for a friend, relative, or partner.

On another hand, my love just is. Once I love someone, whether our relationship continues or not, I love them. I think of them, miss them, and hope they are well. I am happy when they are joyful and a sounding board for sorrows if they turn to me as a friend.  Love as an emotional state, not a series of actions.

I don’t love a person for ‘just’ what they are now or ‘just’ what relationship they hold in my life, but as all the possible people they can be. I love them for their struggles, mistakes, and changes, not in spite of them; so a change, in itself, can’t undermine my love for them. How much I love them is how much I love them. Other emotions or rational reasons may become stronger than that love; like the risks involved in loving a heavy drug user, loving someone who’s abusive, or simply them growing out of their love for me.

I don’t think that love has to be returned to be real. For me, love is a part of me, not a reflection on the person. It’s my emotion, and it doesn’t have to be reciprocated. When I care about someone, I love them. And it would hurt to lose them, though I would be happy for them to find what they need, elsewhere or other than me. I’ve had people walk out of my life completely, hurt me terribly, and still I love them. I may not have a functional relationship with them, I may not foresee ever letting them in my life again, and I may even take actions to keep them separate from my life. That doesn’t change that I love them. Our lives simply grew apart or personal choices that we each made meant our relationship(as it began) was no longer sustainable.

Once I love someone, that feeling never ever leaves, even though I may never be able to live with or date that person.. It just changes logistics, realities, availability in time or other reasons to end our relationship or opportunities to grow together. Love is the fact that I have to work to isolate them from my life and my heart, if things go horribly wrong, because a part of me will always want to let them inside.

Natalis

Natalis: (latin) Sometimes used to signify birthday, sometimes signifies the passage to a better life.

So, since I’m a nerd… On my birthday I want to look back on the “amusing” events for this day in history… Freely admit I’m getting most of this from wikipedia(which we all know is a pure fountain of knowledge). Hey, I’m not writing a research paper here…

Events:

1693 – Date traditionally ascribed to Dom Perignon’s invention of Champagne, although he actually did not have anything to do with sparkling wine. Making weddings, holidays, and noses world-wide bubbly!

1873 – Indian Wars: whilst protecting a railroad survey party in Montana, the United States 7th Cavalry, under Lieutenant Colonel George Armstrong Custer clashes for the first time with the Sioux near the Tongue River; only one man on each side is killed. Whilst?! Prithee dear sir, could I bother you for a moment of your time? Splendid! Now die!

1892 – The father and stepmother of Lizzie Borden are found murdered in their Fall River, Massachusetts home. Insert pop-culture reference here. And may I just say, this has done wonders for the hatchet industry.

1936 – Prime Minister of Greece Ioannis Metaxas suspends parliament and the Constitution and establishes the 4th of August Regime. Crap, there’s a regime? I want one! I have now declared this the Août quatrième regime! Glittery tentacle dildos for all!

1958 – The Billboard Hot 100 is founded.  Um… Woo? I am saddened that the song topping this chart the day I was born was Olivia Newton John’s Magic.

2010 – California’s Proposition 8, the ballot initiative prohibiting same-sex marriage passed by the state’s voters in 2008, is overturned by Judge Vaughn Walker in the case Perry v. Schwarzenegger. GOOD.

Famous Births:

1521 – Pope Urban VII (d. 1590) Cool, a pope! For thirteen days… malaria got him. And wait the only memorable thing was the first known public smoking ban? Boo, a pope!

1821 – Louis Vuitton, French designer (d. 1892) Eh. Notable, I suppose I’m just not enough of a brand chaser to care. 😉

1822-1929 – Not many that jumped out at me… various poets, mathematicians, politicians, sports players, actors, actresses etc. Two royal consorts… that was neat. 

1930 – Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, Iranian Shi’a cleric. I’m not touching the political debate on that one. Eesh.

1955 – Billy Bob Thornton, American actor and writer. Yay!

1961 – Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States. Again political debates… sigh.

Holidays:

Feast of  St. Sithney. The story goes that God asked Sithney to be the patron saint of girls seeking husbands, but Sithney said he would rather be the patron saint of mad dogs and get some rest.

Johnny Cash Day (Arkansas). Don’t get me wrong, I like the Man in Black… but seriously, Arkansas?

Also, it’s National Goat Cheese Month. Pantysgawn is a Welsh goat cheese. *giggles*

 

And now some music from 1980:

Another Brick in the Wall

ESCAPE!

Don’t Fall in Love with a Dreamer

Against the Wind

I Can’t Tell You Why

You May Be Right

 

And some of my favorites from when I was a little girl and dreaming of love… It’s interesting to see how the emotion is the same but the form that works for me has changed so… Yes, yes they are country but that’s what I listened to then… sue me.

Where’ve You Been  I wish I could have found a good video of her Love at the Five and Dime

I’ll Always Come Back  I do love KT Oslin’s music very much. I’d like a nice version of Hold Me. Here’s a live version.

And I could keep squirreling on this for the rest of the day…. So I’ll leave this for now. Happy birthday to me!