Archive for January, 2013


Random radio ramblings…

Woot, only three weeks between posts this time! And I’m prefacing this one with: this is strictly *fantasy* and I’m not planning on killing anyone. Contemplate that, folks. 😉

So, I listen to this morning show on the way to work each day, mostly because I’m a lazy bum about getting podcasts downloaded to the phone, and they’re funnyish. And this morning they were talking discussing a news article where a woman tried to kill her husband by poisoning her ‘undercarriage’.  I like ‘undercarriage’ because that may have been the *only* amusing line from the Dukes of Hazzard movie, which was all in all a perversion and tragedy rolled up in suckage; but I digress.

So, anyway, woman tries to poison husband through cunnilingus! Amusing and disturbing. Also, pretty damn stupid.

The radio hosts asked for callers to ‘for fun’ call in and describe how they would poison their spouses. A few were funny, but then the station static-ed out and I trailed off into my own ‘how I would poison’ fantasy land. *grins*

So, D, just in case you were wondering; yes, I have contemplated your death and how I would do it… poison would not be my first choice. But, if I were going that route, it would be the coffee.

You had to know that, right? It’d be easy and I’d be able to say that I had ‘just been in too much of a hurry’ to get my own before I left in the morning. And you’d know it was me… because let’s be honest, I’m not the ‘stab in the back’ kinda gal. I don’t do revenge or gossip or rumors and I’m more likely to tell you to your face that I think you’re a douche than anything else. Plus there’s that side of me that wants you to know it was me.

I don’t want you to think you’re having a heart attack or some stomach issue or what have you just before you die… I want you to be thinking about how I; your adoring, loving, slightly whacked out sweetie fucking killed you.

But hey, this is all just fantasy and weirdness that is my mind. *smiles*  OR IS IT?!

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2013 is going to be a banner year! Because I say so, that’s why. *grins* I’m going to be listing somethings here for reference and accountability(to myself). Let’s start with my resolutions…

1. Blog more! I only posted 3 times last year! That makes me super sad… I’d love to say post weekly, but I’m going to aim for twice a month, with more being better. Plus, I’d like to get more views, followers and countries tuning in.. It’s currently at 2 followers(something between facebook and wordpress lost me 13 followers?), 930 individual views, and 41 countries! The US, the UK, and Brazil are the front runners.

2. Get a new job. One I like. One that’s fulfilling. I am so so tired of being mindnumb and out of work at work!

3. Push boundaries and enrich myself. With D, in our D/s, kink and family. With O(you’ll meet him later!) I want to be unafraid of exploring fully. With P, M, H, T… renewing friendship or expanding on the same. Go to more classes, participate in the groups I’m already a member of, find new/old joy in crafting, art, love! I’m so hopeful right now.

4. Find ways to make the new house our home! We’re finally out of the small town and closer to friends. I want to be sure that the kids, D and I explore all the ‘new’ things that we are able to do and experience now!

5. Enjoy my life. There’s been so much stress, change(good and bad), and upheaval in the last year… I want to be more mindful of what I have, who I am, who I love, and giving all of my relationships with friends, family, loves… the best I have in me.

Boy, that was sappy and joyful… I’m going to have to hand in my ‘I’m a Tough Bitch’ card.

Joy & Change

I’m combining these for the moment… So many good changes for me this past fall. We moved out of the small town to the city. We both have exciting, new(well, newer for me, D’s have been longer) and(crosses fingers) what look like very very solid new relationships with… dare I say it, long term potential! EEEEE! Yes, that was a girlish squeal! Mark. The. Calendars.

So, I suppose it’s time to introduce O to the narrative? I don’t know, sometimes I like to imagine the suffering you all go thru when I don’t update you (yeah, right!). Well, let’s see… It’s been just under two years since I’ve dated anyone. D has me and newer (less than a year?) relationships with P and M. Love both the girls, they are great fun and confidantes of mine in their own ways, as well as loves for D.

M is married to L, they have both been my friends for years, the kids all get along well and L has often escorted me to events when D was unavailable, though we don’t scene or date each other. 

P is married to O. He’s intrigued me in a quiet way for a bit now. Like, ‘Hmm. Who’s this? Oh, yeah, that guy. The one with that weirdly intriguing energy, big smile and wild look in ‘is eye. I should try to get to know him.” Then something would happen, or I’d remember how crappily my last relationship went, and I wouldn’t.

Then D started seeing P… and slowly we all started spending time together off and on. And…”Yeah, he’s damn fucking intriguing. Awesome conversation about blood and death and how alike we think on these things over here. Damn we’re weird… awesome.” And things would happen, like moving and getting the kids adjusted to the new house/school/schedule.

And that finally all slowed down, and I lost patience with myself and pushed for dating.. with minor bumps, now we are… and he’s surprising. This relationship is surprising. I am feeling NRE, but it’s without the level of ‘frantic’ I usually feel. I’m fighting with myself to not just open up the majority of my shields to him and enjoy. And I’m wondering why I’m fighting it. And there’s a deep and quiet joy within me. Plus, he likes hanging out as a group or with the kids(combined) and that’s important! I’m trying to not get ahead of myself, but I’m so very hopeful and pleased. And once I ask how he feels about my discussing our sexual escapades here, I may get to share… If not, let me just say damn. Seriously.

Change. Everyday I am so thankful and happy and immersed in my relationship with D. If I was in the sappy mood, hey it happens from time to time, there might be mention of soulmates and girly shit like that. 😉 He is so very, very good for me and I hope I am as good or better for him. If I was in a proud mood, I wouldn’t even question it. I am.

But our relationship is changing, deepening, we’re into our third year together and creating our home and family to a deeper extent than before… and our D/s and kink and reevaluating where we want to take them. Plus changes in his work, hopefully mine soon as well and maybe, looking at some edumacation opportunities at the end of this year? I don’t know, and definitely want that at some point… but let’s stick to creating our home, deepening our family, our love, and expanding all of those things as well. And exploring the new!