Hello, new friend. Or old friends. Whatever, yay friends!

I know, I know, I’m slacking. *sighs* I’ll do better soon.

So, just home from a con! Well, yesterday, but THAT was my lazy day at home. Today I’m up and back at it. Woo!

Ugh. I hate fighting the sads. Don’t get me wrong, I completely get why I’m sad (and it’s partly con-drop, true) but, since I *know* why I’m sad I should be able to control it. Right? *slightly panicky voice* Right?!

Ah. If only our emotions were so easily controlled. That would be logical. Dang you emotions, for being non-volitional, why do you make life so hard?

I mean, I would much rather chose to turn off hurting when it’s time or only care about certain people…but then I’d miss out on the rush of NRE…and that gut-wrenching, amazing, humbling, earth-shattering moment when someone does something insignificant or stupid or sarcastic and you *just know* that you love them. You know what I mean?

Like the time forever ago that a boy was helping me put together a TV stand and oh, we were just pissing each other off with the stupid directions and tools. I snapped at him about something and he just grumped at me to go eat a sandwich before he stabbed me with the screwdriver for being hangry… And I just could not stop laughing… And I just knew that I loved him.

And I think sometimes that my mom might be right, that I love too much or too easily or too deeply or too something…

And other times I know I’m a seething bundle of wrath, so that can’t be true. Being a decent human is hard. It would be as satisfying as loving some people, to just fucking destroy them.

Or to somehow make me matter again.

*sighs* And then someone or someones come along… a new friend, an old friend, a lover, a family member, a wise old teacher… and they offer a little guidance or just their presence reminds you that you’ll make it through the rough patch…that even if you feel broken, you’ll heal.

In time.

 

 

 

 

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