Category: Firsts

I’m Baa-ack!

It’s alive! It’s ALIIIVE! *Giggles*

Hi all! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, my darlings! OMG, three years?! I suck. So many things to catch up on! All the things!

We will catch up on it all I promise you! Loves and tears and life and joys and disappointments galore! Kids and kink and relationships and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries! Yes, I am still a dork.

We’ll talk about my mom breakdown(I’ve got a kiddo turning 18 soon!), relationship changes and adjustments (D, me, etc), all the delightful changes in kink and play I’ve been working on, life changes(moving, school, work, health, etc) and any old thing that pops into my brain along the way. Y’all remember I squirrel, right? Well, I do.

There is going to be word vomiting, I swear to you! And now, off to update my links, descriptions, and maybe colors? Perhaps even my thoughts.

Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear. Name that movie, if you can. Mwahaha!



2013 is going to be a banner year! Because I say so, that’s why. *grins* I’m going to be listing somethings here for reference and accountability(to myself). Let’s start with my resolutions…

1. Blog more! I only posted 3 times last year! That makes me super sad… I’d love to say post weekly, but I’m going to aim for twice a month, with more being better. Plus, I’d like to get more views, followers and countries tuning in.. It’s currently at 2 followers(something between facebook and wordpress lost me 13 followers?), 930 individual views, and 41 countries! The US, the UK, and Brazil are the front runners.

2. Get a new job. One I like. One that’s fulfilling. I am so so tired of being mindnumb and out of work at work!

3. Push boundaries and enrich myself. With D, in our D/s, kink and family. With O(you’ll meet him later!) I want to be unafraid of exploring fully. With P, M, H, T… renewing friendship or expanding on the same. Go to more classes, participate in the groups I’m already a member of, find new/old joy in crafting, art, love! I’m so hopeful right now.

4. Find ways to make the new house our home! We’re finally out of the small town and closer to friends. I want to be sure that the kids, D and I explore all the ‘new’ things that we are able to do and experience now!

5. Enjoy my life. There’s been so much stress, change(good and bad), and upheaval in the last year… I want to be more mindful of what I have, who I am, who I love, and giving all of my relationships with friends, family, loves… the best I have in me.

Boy, that was sappy and joyful… I’m going to have to hand in my ‘I’m a Tough Bitch’ card.

Joy & Change

I’m combining these for the moment… So many good changes for me this past fall. We moved out of the small town to the city. We both have exciting, new(well, newer for me, D’s have been longer) and(crosses fingers) what look like very very solid new relationships with… dare I say it, long term potential! EEEEE! Yes, that was a girlish squeal! Mark. The. Calendars.

So, I suppose it’s time to introduce O to the narrative? I don’t know, sometimes I like to imagine the suffering you all go thru when I don’t update you (yeah, right!). Well, let’s see… It’s been just under two years since I’ve dated anyone. D has me and newer (less than a year?) relationships with P and M. Love both the girls, they are great fun and confidantes of mine in their own ways, as well as loves for D.

M is married to L, they have both been my friends for years, the kids all get along well and L has often escorted me to events when D was unavailable, though we don’t scene or date each other. 

P is married to O. He’s intrigued me in a quiet way for a bit now. Like, ‘Hmm. Who’s this? Oh, yeah, that guy. The one with that weirdly intriguing energy, big smile and wild look in ‘is eye. I should try to get to know him.” Then something would happen, or I’d remember how crappily my last relationship went, and I wouldn’t.

Then D started seeing P… and slowly we all started spending time together off and on. And…”Yeah, he’s damn fucking intriguing. Awesome conversation about blood and death and how alike we think on these things over here. Damn we’re weird… awesome.” And things would happen, like moving and getting the kids adjusted to the new house/school/schedule.

And that finally all slowed down, and I lost patience with myself and pushed for dating.. with minor bumps, now we are… and he’s surprising. This relationship is surprising. I am feeling NRE, but it’s without the level of ‘frantic’ I usually feel. I’m fighting with myself to not just open up the majority of my shields to him and enjoy. And I’m wondering why I’m fighting it. And there’s a deep and quiet joy within me. Plus, he likes hanging out as a group or with the kids(combined) and that’s important! I’m trying to not get ahead of myself, but I’m so very hopeful and pleased. And once I ask how he feels about my discussing our sexual escapades here, I may get to share… If not, let me just say damn. Seriously.

Change. Everyday I am so thankful and happy and immersed in my relationship with D. If I was in the sappy mood, hey it happens from time to time, there might be mention of soulmates and girly shit like that. 😉 He is so very, very good for me and I hope I am as good or better for him. If I was in a proud mood, I wouldn’t even question it. I am.

But our relationship is changing, deepening, we’re into our third year together and creating our home and family to a deeper extent than before… and our D/s and kink and reevaluating where we want to take them. Plus changes in his work, hopefully mine soon as well and maybe, looking at some edumacation opportunities at the end of this year? I don’t know, and definitely want that at some point… but let’s stick to creating our home, deepening our family, our love, and expanding all of those things as well. And exploring the new!

D & D(om)

D and I met over a year ago at a community event. I can’t say it was love at first sight. I can say his energy and presence were notable. He seemed like someone I’d like and want to get to know. I was not, at that time, looking for any relationships outside of friendship/mentor.. I was just foraying into the kink/BDsm community, though I’d been what I call bedroom-kinky for years. Slowly over the next few months, I talked to him more and more and did come to consider him a good friend, someone who gave good and well thought out advice. *smiles* Someone who could listen to me vent frustrations and somehow heard what I meant, under my words. Someone who wasn’t afraid to tell me when I was in the wrong or being a bitch. Someone with a strong and sometimes prickly sense of pride and personal responsibility.

In the beginning of the summer we talked briefly and almost jokingly about dating but at that time his responsibilities to the two relationships he was already a part of prevented us from following through. And through that summer, we still saw each other at community events and talked easily but, we drew apart a little. We talked less outside of the community. And I wondered privately what had happened. But, he was still my friend and I was happy to have him in my life.

Fall’s big event. I had teased him a few weeks before about his not having seen my boots. I made sure to hunt him down at the event. And I made a decision. I didn’t know what had happened or where he was about us or what he would say. But I was not going to keep waiting. I wanted more. For him, me and us together. And so, I took a step. I stepped into his personal space, played the boots, and I asked for a scene. Something simple. The stairwell. Orgasm. It took him a few minutes… but then he got it. He heard, not my words…he heard what I meant.

A month of talking, sorting, decisions and changes later and we were dating. Exploring what we were and where we were going. Slowly, he became my rock. A place to stand in strength, revel in freedom, and play in joy. He held me through tears and laughed with me through delight and danced with me through rage and pain. We started talking about D/s and what that meant to each of us. Were we sure we wanted to do this? It’s not a casual step for either of us, but one we needed to make in full awareness. We discussed expectations and wants and needs and desires. And we decided that yes; we would, could, and wanted to do this. I wanted to not only be his girlfriend but to be submissive to him. And he accepted.

Slowly, carefully we are finding our way and path and joy together.

Cherry Cola

So, how do you describe a delightful weekend… I got to have time with R from Friday evening until Sunday morning! Which was utterly fantastic, though we both agreed that little things kept cropping up to disrupt. We made it through, spent Friday night out at a group meeting together, then stayed over at his place. I had asked for a spanking and tears… but he turns me on so much I just couldn’t cry!  I have a lovely set of bruises though. No, that’s not a complaint. *waggles eyebrows* We wore each other out so much that we slept til nearly 2pm on Saturday. Spent some time visiting with his wife while getting ready to head out again. I am constantly pleased by her understanding and very very glad she understands and accepts my love of and with him.

Met up with a group of his work friends and an old friend of mine from high school Saturday night for drinks and conversation, everyone got fairly rowdy. There’s a part of me that worries about making a good impression on his friends. I want him to be proud to have me around.(He tells me I’m being silly, that of course he is proud of me.) D came out too. I love, love, love having them both in the same space with me. I spent way too much money on drinks, since I wasn’t driving. They took advantage of me not paying as close attention to their plotting as usual and managed to surprise me. R drove us home, and surprise surprise D was there, waiting for us. We did succeed in making me cry. All other details are not for public consumption. Suffice to say that I had a very good time, and they both agree. D unfortunately wasn’t able to stay over, but it was going on 5am before he left and R & I went to sleep.

Sent him off to work early this morning and I’m back to Mom mode today.   The kids are home from their weekend at aunt T’s and it’s time to be proper again… well as proper as I can be. winks

Hello world!(the default beginning)

Well, Hi there. I bet you’re wondering who I am and what I’m about and such things. First off, you should be able to figure out from the horrid grammar, punctuation, and casual greeting… that I’m just gonna type what I’m thinking and feeling. Rather than trying to make this all formal and pretty. I abuse ellipses, just to let you know.  … Yesss, that’s nice. In general this will cover anything amusing to me that happens in my day to day. If you don’t get the humor… meh. To give you a heads up my day to day does include some kink/BDSM related activities but it’s not going to be the *focus* of the blog. Or I’m not intending it to be… maybe it will. The horror!! (Yes, that is indeed, sarcasm… good job spotting it. Have a cookie.)

Now, I’m off to play with widgets and pictures and things until the blog looks pretties. To me anyway. Be good. Stop standing on your sister’s head. Damn kids.