To give new life or energy. I have spent a better portion of the past two months focusing on and trying to flex, patch, fix, repair, or figure out mine & R’s relationship and the issues we were having. At some point I’ll be ready to share more how things felt from my side. Not now. Now is when I share my hopes for other things that I want/need to give energy to in my life.

The kids. They are always my first priority. But, there have been times recently where I have brushed off some of the attention they want from me; to play games with me, watch movies or just hang out together and get my full attention. That will stop.

Art. I’ve always drawn, painted, sketched and sculpted. I’ve always gifted most of my work and kept very little for myself. I’ve always felt that no matter what I did, while it fulfilled a part of me; was not good enough(to me) or worthwhile enough in others eyes to pursue it or give it more energy than I do now. I have at various times mentioned to D different projects I’d like to do or a general: ‘I’d love to work with clay again.’ Over this past weekend, he gave me a sketchbook. And I teared up, I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t an expensive gift, just a sketchbook he’d had in a closet for years, but it’s the first time anyone’s given me something art related since I was a teenager.

Crafts. I have various levels of crafting. I can sew. I enjoy crochet. I love working with leather. Again, usually for others, though I keep more of the leather work than anything else. I remember the delight and amusement R got out of the Jesus robe at Halloween time. *smiles* There’s nothing like watching a bunch of kinky folk at a play party interact with ‘Jesus’. The ladies in my family have a monthly craft day and I’ve volunteered to make the ‘yearly prize’, a sofa sized afghan. I need to set aside time to sort out the yarn and pattern for that project.

I love working with leather. The smell. The texture. The kinky goodness of floggers, dragon tongues and tails. The researching on collars, cuffs, masks and blindfolds. The difference in each finished project, even when using all the same materials. Both of the boys got a… well I’m calling it a double dragon tongue, though there is often a level of debate as to what is/is not a tongue vs. a tail, for Christmas. It’s stingy as hell and fantastic. D went to a collaring/play party on Sunday, which I was unable to attend, and the newly collared one liked it enough that she asked about buying one! *SQUEE* Ohmigod… I *don’t* feel sure enough of my skills yet, but I am so happy that people are starting to ask, because I do want to start selling such things. Here’s a first step.

Crew. I am a crew member of a kink 101 interactive stage show, mainly at a club near me, though we are trying to branch out in the community. I’ve been letting my attendance at events for crew and training for various parts of crew slide while trying to sort out my personal life. I need to start giving that responsibility the attention it deserves. To give my growth within crew the effort it needs, not only for myself, but for this new family that I’m a part of to know me and my determination, dedication, and fidelity.

The blog. I’ve been letting the blog slip and that’s going to end. I need a place to vent frustrations, happiness, thoughts and to do so regularly. Letting all those things build up.. has not been good for me or the folk in my life. Venting here where those who need to see it can, rather than directly at/to them will hopefully ease some of the pressure on them and me.

D. My next post will be more detailed about the changes in my relationship with D, but very short version is: D is my Dom. I need and want to give more attention and focus to my service and submission to him. Finding my path with him and his with me and where we want to go together. To find my, his and our bliss.

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