Ordinary time is quality time. Everyday activities are not just necessities that keep you from extra-ordinary tasks: they are the best opportunities for learning and growth you can give your relationship… to gain knowledge of the day-to-day life your partner takes for granted and grow new habits together.

The everyday things are important. Having undivided attention from each partner is a powerful way to reconnect. Each partner deserves individual quality time, simply by virtue of being your partner and being loved. If you’re mixing the majority of your time with multiple partners; you aren’t meeting individual quality time needs. I understand the appeal of having multiple partners to spend time with at once, but each individual relationship needs quality time too. Each dyad needs to have quality interaction(i.e. not just sleeping!) time; regardless of the overall shape(triad, quad, quint?).

What ordinary things constitutes quality time with my partner as a dyad? Showering together. A cup of coffee before I head to work. Driving in the car together. Cuddling on the couch. Watching a movie. Talking for hours with no distractions. Lying naked in bed while he sings silly songs to me. Playing video games together. Being taught D&D. Swapping web comics. Going to the grocery store. Brushing his hair. Scratching his back. Taking a night to stay in. Making a toy together. Playing a board game with the kids. Fixing things around the house. Going to community meetings. Helping friends move. Drinks with friends. And more…

And those are ordinary things; I’m not including sex, kink, D/s, spiritual, intellectual, physical, public, COMMUNICATION or other needs. Most of the ordinary things meet not only quality time needs, but at least one of the other needs too.

Do all of those things for each partner.. do not try to mash them together. Do try to get alone time with each partner, do not try to squeeze all your needs or partners into one time. I understand that play parties, nights at the club, spending time a group of friends are all fun and, yes, things to include in each relationship. But quality time does not imply doing anything out of the ordinary. It is the accumulated day-to-day interactions, not trips to the circus, that have the deepest positive affect on a relationship. And the deepest negative affect, when quality time is ignored or neglected.