Tag Archive: toys


Kids and kink and community

I often find myself in a spot of having to stay home from some gathering, not play party, because I don’t have/can’t afford a babysitter. Or because I already spent too much time away from the kids that week.  A lot of my friends either don’t have kids or don’t have their kids 24/7 like I do. I know a few people who only have their kids on sporadic occasions. That’s a whole different peeve depending on circumstances.

So, it’s difficult for them to remember? or relate to?

And I find that it’s difficult for me on a couple of levels not to feel resentment? No, that’s not the right emotion… because no one’s causing me injury.

Frustration? Maybe. Yes, definitely.

Envy.. not really because I’m making the choices that are best for my family. Maybe a little envious of the extra time that others seem to have?

And I’m a little frustrated by the lack of ‘family’ stuff the community has available. Again not the play parties, obviously… but there’s the community picnic once a year and… sounds of crickets… Really? Yes, I get that a lot of what we do is ‘adult’ oriented but again I don’t mean parties. And sure there are munches… Usually at bars. Again not really family friendly.

I mean things like learning how to serve tea.  Learning how to take care of leather boots. Things like that don’t require nudity. And really? What’s wrong with kids seeing those sorts of things?

And maybe I’m just more open with some of the stuff in my life. I don’t know. But my kids have seen me practice flogging and dragon’s tongue. Hell, I make both of them at home. They’ve seen me run a violet wand. And sort my rope. And carry various handfuls of implements between rooms when I’m packing for events. My fire kit sits in the front room of my house because I’m a lazy bitch and it’s heavy. And my toy box is at the end of my bed because I’m a lazy bitch and that’s the most handy spot. They’ve seen most of my fetish wear too… boots and corsets and skirts and such…

I guess I don’t understand this huge separation. I’ve always made sure to keep a balance between ‘matter-of-fact’ and ‘too-much-info’ for the kids. Neither of them are the worse for wear. Then again I’ve never understood the point of making your kids embarrassed of their bodies, their drives, or the fact that people have sex sometimes! Or that everyone is not the same…and that seems to be a prevalent mindset that people are teaching their kids anymore.

Maybe I’m just expecting  too much inclusion in a group that prides itself on inclusion?

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Vivify

To give new life or energy. I have spent a better portion of the past two months focusing on and trying to flex, patch, fix, repair, or figure out mine & R’s relationship and the issues we were having. At some point I’ll be ready to share more how things felt from my side. Not now. Now is when I share my hopes for other things that I want/need to give energy to in my life.

The kids. They are always my first priority. But, there have been times recently where I have brushed off some of the attention they want from me; to play games with me, watch movies or just hang out together and get my full attention. That will stop.

Art. I’ve always drawn, painted, sketched and sculpted. I’ve always gifted most of my work and kept very little for myself. I’ve always felt that no matter what I did, while it fulfilled a part of me; was not good enough(to me) or worthwhile enough in others eyes to pursue it or give it more energy than I do now. I have at various times mentioned to D different projects I’d like to do or a general: ‘I’d love to work with clay again.’ Over this past weekend, he gave me a sketchbook. And I teared up, I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t an expensive gift, just a sketchbook he’d had in a closet for years, but it’s the first time anyone’s given me something art related since I was a teenager.

Crafts. I have various levels of crafting. I can sew. I enjoy crochet. I love working with leather. Again, usually for others, though I keep more of the leather work than anything else. I remember the delight and amusement R got out of the Jesus robe at Halloween time. *smiles* There’s nothing like watching a bunch of kinky folk at a play party interact with ‘Jesus’. The ladies in my family have a monthly craft day and I’ve volunteered to make the ‘yearly prize’, a sofa sized afghan. I need to set aside time to sort out the yarn and pattern for that project.

I love working with leather. The smell. The texture. The kinky goodness of floggers, dragon tongues and tails. The researching on collars, cuffs, masks and blindfolds. The difference in each finished project, even when using all the same materials. Both of the boys got a… well I’m calling it a double dragon tongue, though there is often a level of debate as to what is/is not a tongue vs. a tail, for Christmas. It’s stingy as hell and fantastic. D went to a collaring/play party on Sunday, which I was unable to attend, and the newly collared one liked it enough that she asked about buying one! *SQUEE* Ohmigod… I *don’t* feel sure enough of my skills yet, but I am so happy that people are starting to ask, because I do want to start selling such things. Here’s a first step.

Crew. I am a crew member of a kink 101 interactive stage show, mainly at a club near me, though we are trying to branch out in the community. I’ve been letting my attendance at events for crew and training for various parts of crew slide while trying to sort out my personal life. I need to start giving that responsibility the attention it deserves. To give my growth within crew the effort it needs, not only for myself, but for this new family that I’m a part of to know me and my determination, dedication, and fidelity.

The blog. I’ve been letting the blog slip and that’s going to end. I need a place to vent frustrations, happiness, thoughts and to do so regularly. Letting all those things build up.. has not been good for me or the folk in my life. Venting here where those who need to see it can, rather than directly at/to them will hopefully ease some of the pressure on them and me.

D. My next post will be more detailed about the changes in my relationship with D, but very short version is: D is my Dom. I need and want to give more attention and focus to my service and submission to him. Finding my path with him and his with me and where we want to go together. To find my, his and our bliss.